Happy Changes

Out Of The Darkness Scarf Donations

I haven’t felt like posting much lately.  Being pregnant and sick has just wiped me out.  The last three days I have had my MIL over to help out with the kids.  monday and Tuesday being the most intense.  I am always amazed at just how sick I get when I’m pregnant.  It’s probably no worse then what it would be when I’m not pregnant, it just seems to be drawn out a lot longer.  Normally I might fight a cold for a week, get sick for three days and be done with it.  This one though I fought for three weeks and it’s been about a week of hell.  I keep trying to be grateful, at least it’s not as bad as it was with DS’s pregnancy.  I was really sick for months.  Or with DD when I had asthma most of the pregnancy.  This sucks, but at least I can breath, for the most part.  The other night I was thinking about this prenatal yoga video I have and love doing.  She has a part in there that talks about endurance exercises.  It kind of made me laugh because to me, pregnancy is all and endurance exercise.=P  At least I can look at it and laugh.

I have been dealing with some anxiety on top of being sick.  But I realized too that it’s coming up because I’m not eating a lot.  I mean, I am, but it’s not the heavy and huge meals I should be eating.  And I get emotional and stressed when I’m hungry.  I have taken some steps towards becoming assertive in a few of my relationships.  That is always scary to me and I’m trying to not let that fear rule my life.  With what I am learning from ACA (adult children of alcoholics) I’m realizing that these things may be uncomfortable, but if it’s really what is best for me, that’s just what has to happen and I can’t stuff things because I don’t want to make waves.  A scary realization, but it’s a good one.

I’ve also been working on finding a local counselor.  I don’t mind shopping around and comparing things online, but when I have to call someone and talk I get stressed and scared.  I find it humorous that I’m shopping for a counselor right now, but I could really use a counselor to help me through this because it’s so stressful.  Catch 22.  I have been slowly working at finding someone though and have called several people.  I started to make an appointment with one lady the other day, but their computers were down and I was told they would call me back.  I wasn’t feeling very comfortable about it.  The lady I talked to was all work and professional and non-human and she was wanting all my information over the phone.  Trying to pull my social security number out of my head at that point was almost impossible, and you want my general care physician?  What was her name again?  And do you think it matters that I’ve never actually gone to see her myself?  I was so stressed after being on the phone with her I had an anxiety attack and was terrified.  Then DH fed me and I relaxed a bit.  I called another place today that has a counselor there I have already spoken to a few times (just on the phone with questions) and everything just felt so good.  Maybe it was the two breakfasts I’d eaten before I called, maybe it was the friendly lady who answered the phone, or the fact that she didn’t need to know everything about me and my family, or that I knew I was going to be able to see the counselor I really wanted at a closer location then I originally thought.  Whatever it was, it was good and I have an appointment for the beginning of next month.  I’m excited and feel like I can handle things a little better just knowing that I will have someone I trust to talk to soon.  it’s a good feeling.

I haven’t been knitting or crocheting a lot in the last couple of days.  I just haven’t been feeling well and have wanted to rest when I had the chance.  I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep, but rest has been good and just kind of zoning into the abyss of my mind.  Last night I did finish the hand part of another mitten for DS.  All I have to do is add a thumb on that but I am contemplating starting the next mitten and just doing both thumbs when I finish the bigger part.  DH is thrilled about the mittens as he says they are the best thing we have for DS right now.  I’m glad I can be so useful.  I want to get these mittens figured out and finished so that when the yarn I ordered from knitpicks comes I can get started on the mittens for DD.  I hope I ordered enough yarn for her.  She’ll get at least one pair, but I don’t know that she’ll get two.  I also have purse handles that are now waiting for me to do something with them.  If I finish that one purse soon then I can get it up on etsy, which would be nice.  Still trying to decide on a price for it.

Yeah, so that’s what is happening.  I am happy because I am doing things that scare me.  Happy because things are changing.  And happy because I think I’m finally getting over this cold.  All big things for me and it’s really good.